Hi I'm Renn
I was underpaid, overworked, burned out – it got me physically ill. I kept changing jobs and carrying the same toxic workplace model into each new company with me until I stepped onto my self-healing journey and started the inner work. Over time I’ve managed to turn my life around together with the lives of many people around me.
But before I share more details about my self-healing journey, let me bring you back to the Summer of 2017.
I had just got a new job as a Personal Assistant and every single day at that job was the worst day of my life.
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Here I am, crying at least once a week, because I have no idea how to continue and yet I have no other way than to continue…
I hate Sunday evenings, because I fear of what’s going to happen on Monday.
I try to do my best, yet I’m constantly criticized by my boss, because of every little mistake that I make. And I DO make mistakes. I make mistakes because I’m being called to her office every 5-10 minutes, so I fail to focus on any one task at a time!
I’m also being given important urgent tasks 5 minutes prior to the end of my working day with an expectation to deliver in the morning.
Picture this… I’m in the toilet, hiding from my colleagues, stealing just a few valuable minutes for myself, and reflecting on all the red flags I decided to ignore from the very beginning.
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What happened? Why did I let this all slide?
“Everyone is required to work overtime at GSL Connect, however GSL Connect does not pay overtime money – this is a company’s policy. We also do not pay holiday money or Christmas money.” My boss had told me.
And boy did I work overtime… People who would leave on time would be called “clock-watchers” in a quite disrespectful manner. I did not want to be called a “clock-watcher”.
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“Since you’re still getting paid by your old employer, but you don’t need to actually go to work anymore, maybe you can start earlier?
- How will GSL Connect pay me for the work prior to my starting date?
- Well, you’re paid by your old employer… so GSL Connect doesn’t have to.”
I wish I could say that I did not agree to that, but it was my new boss and I really wanted her to like me, so I did start a couple of days earlier and never got paid for that.
“- Can you come 1 h earlier on Friday?
- Sure. Can I then leave half an hour earlier? There’s an appointment I would love to make.
- Renata, you are in your probation period and are required to prove yourself. Please make sure to make any of your appointments including doctor appointments outside of the working hours.”
To this day I do not like when people call me Renata. Renata is my “slave name” and this is how I felt. Like a slave.
So, at GSL Connect micromanagement is a common practice and I have a highly demanding boss. I have a colleague I cannot trust, who I know is talking mean and unfair things behind my back. And I’m barely ever provided the tools that I need for delivering my work in a timely manner.
It is toxic.
And I feel small, insignificant and absolutely inadequate.
I tended to skip lunch, I worked overtime, I worked during holidays, I worked during sick leave, I worked on my birthday while confused guests waited for me in the party room. Funny enough, I got a big thank you from my boss after that and for a second there it made me feel a bit better about myself. But not for long.
This is where I started noticing that I’ve been carrying this weird pattern with me from one work environment to another. In every office I’ve ever worked in there would always be an unpredictable and demanding boss. There would be a bully who hated me and talked mean things about me. And there would be some poor misfit I would connect on a weird level with and develop some sort of a relationship which consisted of complaining about how unfair and horrible the workplace is.
I started seeing this, but I still wasn’t able to figure it out.
How is this even possible? Are all people so similar? Or is it just me?
One thing I understood though – this would not simply resolve itself with changing jobs.
So, I kept working there, feeling worse about myself every day, struggling emotionally and mentally. So much so that it started affecting my physical health. In 2019 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. At that point I could barely walk, I couldn't dress myself without help of others and sometimes I couldn't even hold my cup… or a pen. I could still type though!
I was in a dark place and close to absolute burnout.
I gave and gave and gave to that company sacrificing my well-being, trying to prove myself and hoping to get some great reward, but here’s the thing – it never happened.
You must be difficult to get noticed and you must demand to get rewarded, but that wasn’t me – I was a people pleaser with a huge fear of rejection.
And then Covid happened, and the world stopped for a second there.
For the first time in years, I found myself in an unusual position - with more air, more space and more time.
I looked at myself and I didn't like what I saw.
Here I am an overweight, overstressed middle aged woman with an alcohol addiction and multiple autoimmune conditions.
What happened to me?
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I didn't know who I was anymore.
I didn't even know what I liked anymore or what I wanted from life.
In that moment I told myself “Wait a minute, there must be another way - it cannot be all that there is to my life".
So, I decided to embark on a journey to find a better way to live, be and feel. To find a way “back to myself” whatever that means.
Let me tell you that I felt it before I even understood it and for the first time in my life, I trusted this feeling.
I changed my eating habits, I started exercising just a little bit and turned to the things that I used to like when I was younger - literature and art. If there is an answer to what’s happening to me and how to fix it, it must be in literature and art.
By rediscovering the things that made me feel alive I stumbled upon a YouTube interview with Marisa Peer who fascinated me with the simplicity of her message. She spoke about the importance of the words that we say to ourselves daily and how our thoughts influence our feelings which consequently changes our behaviour as well as our lives.
And the words that I used referring to myself weren’t good… The self-talk was far from empowering.
“I can’t do that.”
“I’m not sure I’m capable of doing this.”
“I’m just not good enough – I never get it right.”
“I need to work double as hard to get half as much.”
“I’m simply not important – no one sees me, and no one cares about me.”
This needed to change, so I started repeating "I am enough" to myself daily.
Every day during my yoga – “I am enough”
In the shower – “I am enough”
In my journal – “I am enough”
Changing my screen saver to picture with phrase “I am enough”
Just looking into the mirror and telling myself “I am enough”
I did not believe it at first – “I am enough?” - these words felt alien and unfamiliar to me and yet I committed to repeating them to myself every day.
It was my husband who noticed the shift first. He told me that something has changed about me - I seemed more confident, more relaxed and even "shining".
It was my boss, who told nearly the same words to me later. She noticed this change and complimented me.
Suddenly everything started transforming around me and I couldn't understand how come.
Maybe it was not “everything” that's been changing - maybe it was just me?
Suddenly my "narcissistic and toxic" boss magically turns into an empowering and inspiring leader and I start noticing all those amazing people in our team, who value and respect me. I mean they were always there, but my focus was elsewhere.
I was too busy complaining.
Suddenly there’s no one there to stop me from having my lunch in peace and leave home on time.
Suddenly I feel like taking more responsibility and looking forward to Monthly Calls.
Suddenly I feel empowered to solve complicated issues on my own without involving my boss and she was grateful she could trust me with that.
Suddenly I got a promotion and a salary increase.
This is where I thought to myself, if just repeating a simple phrase to myself every day and making better choices for myself has already changed my life so much – imagine how much more intense the change is going to be if I actually try this “hypnosis thing”.
So, I found an RTT therapist in February 2021.
In March 2021 I enrolled into the RTT school and started learning hypnotherapy.
I did it for myself at first with only wish to help couple of people I care about.
I wanted to help my younger sister.
I wanted to help my ex-colleague who got burned-out working in the same company as me and then got fired.
I wanted to help a couple of friends.
In July 2021 I started practising with colleagues always getting amazing feedback.
In September 2021 I had my first session with a colleague from work and it was amazing.
I graduated officially in December 2021, and I got to help most people I wanted to help.
In January 2022 I officially opened my online practice, and I have helped numerous clients since then.
While studying RTT, simultaneously I started educating myself on different hypnosis and coaching techniques by attending hypnosis seminars, summits and masterclasses by world renowned hypnotists and psychotherapists.
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Here is where you normally put all the names that should impress your colleagues and mean absolutely nothing to people outside of hypnotherapy community.
But here’s the thing - you are the one I want to serve. The person just like me - the overworked, overstressed professional, who just needs some breathing space.
So, I will not bore you with the names and their titles, because it doesn’t matter that much. I truly believe that it’s not a technique or modality that helps, it’s the connection, rapport, and trust between the therapist and the patient.
I work exclusively with people who can relate to me, and we both feel that we’re a good match. I believe this is what explains my high success rate.
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So, if you managed to read till here, there must be something that kept your attention. Maybe you could relate, maybe you are curious, or maybe you also got this feeling inside that there must be something more to your life “than this”.
Do you also notice some weird patterns in your life you have no logical explanation to?
Or maybe you feel you’re just “too nice” and you have difficulties saying “no” to people?
Whatever brought you and kept you here, must be important and I would be honoured to discuss it with you during our first free 30 min consultation.
